Body Parts: Pain Management

Mile 4 of a 6 mile run...

Left Hip: Ow, ow, ow ow, OW!

Brain: I know. I'm working on it.

Left Hip: It hurts, Brain!

Legs: Don't we have some of that....stuff?

Brain: No. She didn't take any Advil before she left. We're on our own. Don't worry. I'm releasing some endorphins now. Finger, change the song. We need something hard and fast.

Finger: O.k., how's this?

Ears: Nope...nope....too slow...no...

Finger: Say when.

Ears: No...Stop! I mean when! Metallica. That is so awesome. "Gimme Fuel Gimme Fire Give me that which I desire!!!"

Lungs: Brain! Help!

Brain: Voice! No singing. We're running right now.

Voice: Sorry dude. I just get so excited.

Brain: It's o.k.

Left knee: Ow! Ow! Me too now!

Brain: Oh man, this is a bummer. Finger, make the song louder. We need maximum distraction.

Finger: Roger that.

Brain: O.k. everyone, listen up. She's not stopping. You all know that. Feet and legs, no favoring it. Keep moving. We're almost there.

Legs: We won't let you down, Brain!

Feet: We feel great!

Brain: Lungs, deep breaths. Spine, this is all you...she's got that compression thing going again. We'll do some yoga poses when we get back, open you up a little.

Spine: Namaste.

Eyes: Look! There's the stop sign!

Brain: Good deal. Hang in there. I'm going to go away for a couple of minutes, make her think about something else. You all right, Hip and Knee?

Left Hip: I'm o.k., I've been here before. I feel a little better.

Left Knee: I'm a little wobbly. A little loose. But I'll make it.

Brain: You guys rock. I'll check in at the house. Forward motion folks, no stopping!

Woman vs. Mountain (Of Fears)

Let me start out by pointing out the positive. The training is going great. I run bike or swim almost everyday and even participated in the first race of the season, the Sea Dogs Mother's Day 5K. It was a blast!

The other day I had a conversation with my physical fitness-minded sister. She asked, "what's your motivation to race?" "Why are you doing it?" One reason is that if I do not have a fixed goal I will not get out of bed. Exercising for my appearance or general good health isn't enough to push myself. I'm inherently lazy. As I've discussed in past posts I'm the queen of procrastination and manufacturing excuses to remain immobile. I purposely entered in the two tris, Mooseman and Pumpkinman, in a strategy to get me moving early in the season and keep me there all summer.

The second reason makes me uncomfortable, and causes me to squirm in my seat a little. While I do love to train and race, doing the actual racing scares me. A lot. For example, Mooseman is 11 days away and if I think about it for more than a few minutes I can work myself up something fierce. Why is it scary? It shouldn't be. It's exciting and tons of fun. Only I can't get to the fun feeling until I'm rounding the first buoy. Standing on the beach in a sea of wetsuits and brightly colored caps my heart pounds and I'm ready to flee. I get angry at myself for feeling that way, especially when I've worked so hard. The only way for me to fight back is to dive in when the gun goes off and start swimming.

Anxiety, the needless worry kind, is a part of my life. I pretty much hate it. My way of fighting back is to do anything that makes me afraid (except rollerblading) and finish. Whether it's getting in the open water, or riding up a steep hill, I say "I tri, I finish" until I cross under the finish banner. So far I haven't conquered the fear, because I keep feeling it at every race start. But I'm going to keep racing until I don't, and hopefully that will lead me to a lifetime of training and, subsequently, fitness.

PMS, Training and Your Period. EWWW!!!

***WARNING*** If you are a man, this post may make you extremely uncomfortable, squirm in your seat, and have a sudden urge to check into the Holiday Inn for a week.

The following is an actual exchange between me and the voice in my head (me):

[Sitting in the parking lot of the pool, car engine off]

"You really don't want to go in there."

"I know, but..."

"You're tired, and crampy, plus you already rode the bike this morning."

"But I drove all the way here."

"It doesn't matter. Just go to the mall. You can have lunch. You don't feel well."

"I'm getting out of the car."

"You could be at Panera in ten minutes"

"I'm getting out of the car." [Out loud] "GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

I don't know about you but I have these conversations quite frequently. Most often at 5:15am when I *really* don't want to get out of bed. But this one was targeting me right where I live, every month, with PMS.

I love being a girl. I wouldn't change that for the world. It's cool to be a chick. Our bodies are so special. We get to make babies, have all these extra sexy parts, and wear lipstick. When it comes to training, however, there is that monthly drawback - the dreaded period.

I've read articles and books about women and triathlon. They discuss training while on the Pill and the effects of low body fat and missed periods. Pretty good stuff. But no where did I read about the monthly effect PMS and your period can have on your training plan, or God forbid, race day. I mean who wants to swim, bike and run 70.3 miles with a tampon? Ewwww! Gross! (See guys, I told ya).

Even though I'm done having kids (thank you, Dr. A.) I still need the old uterus. It's a part of my body that I know contributes to making me feel pretty, a highly desireable state. I wear lipstick to work out and even race! The uterus is a marvelous organ of muscle, so skilled at cradling our babies for nine months, then working diligently to expel the little bundles from our bodies. It's disgusting. I mean beautiful! Yeah, that's it. I have a theory that if pregnant women in labor were treated like athletes, instead of sick people, they would feel less afraid and empowered. But that is a topic for another post.

Waking up slightly nauseous, with a lower backache and cramps is enough to derail the best laid training plan. You all know what I mean. And a bad mood? I get one. The claws and fangs come out. My loved ones know to hide from me, poor things.

Here's the good news. I thought about it and decided that even though I had all those symptoms I really WAS well enough to work out. I wasn't injured in any way. I was still as strong as the day before. My muscles were still fueled with the good protein, carbohydrates and fats I gave them. I was as ready as any other day to train. The monthly cycle changes my brain chemistry for a brief period, a cruel trick that tries to rob me of the desire to do what I love. I won't allow that to happen. Curling up with a hot water bottle might make me feel better temporarily, but it won't make me any stronger or faster for race day. I silence the voices with the promise that I'll pamper myself AFTER training, and then I get to work.

Body Parts: The Meeting

Week 3 of Triathlon Training Season

Brain: O.k. everyone, let’s get the meeting started. We have several issues to discuss. She’s starting to get real organized with her training now that it’s Spring. The International Distance tri is only 9 weeks away. You guys have been great pulling together – she appreciates that. Let’s start with the hungry issue. Stomach? Can you please report?

Stomach: Oh man, you guys, you have no idea. I’m rumbling, like, ALL the time. SO hungry! She eats her stupid little snack bars, and gels, but I can’t keep anything in me. I’m getting killed here!

Mouth: Remember the pasta for breakfast? Mac and cheese at 9am. Mmmmm.

Stomach: Oh yeah, that was awesome. With cinnamon raisin oatmeal for dessert.

Legs: Yeah dude! Set us up but good for yesterday’s 4 miler. We kicked it.

Nose: And did you smell those burgers when we ran past RiRa’s?

Feet: We almost stopped in our tracks!

Brain: I know. I hit override. She didn’t have any money. All right. I think I know where this is heading. Metabolism?

Metabolism: Yes Brain. I’m just doing my job here. Burning calories like mad in response to all this training. Swimming, biking, running – it takes it’s toll on me, ya know? She’s gotta eat!

Brain: It’s all good. We know you burn the fuel. But you need to make a switch, start burning some of the fat. She got that new scale, you know.

Eyes: Oh my God did you see that? It is so slick. Tells you the weight, fat percentage and water percentage. Rocks.

Body Fat: Hey, hold on there a minute! What’re you saying Brain?

Brain: You know what I’m saying. You need to let go, BF.

Body Fat: What? Us? Do you see those curves, man? We bring sexy back! And what about keeping her warm?

Brain: She wears a hat.

Body Fat: I mean, what about the floating? She can float in the pool like nobody’s business. You need us!

Lungs: Hey, we have a little bit to do with that floating business.

Body Fat: Shut. Up!

Brain: I know. Don’t get me wrong. But you need to shrink up. Not one of your little cells will be gone. Only liposuction can do that.

Body Fat: DON’T say it! DON’T say that word! It’s murder!

Brain: Settle down. You see, when she got that new scale, well, you kind of came into focus. She doesn’t care about the weight number any more. Just you.

Body Fat: You’re killing me here!

Brain: We don’t want to eliminate you. Just reduce by a few pounds. You’ll feel so much better, I promise.

Legs: And we’ll be faster! No more hauling around all that junk in the trunk!

Butt: Hey!

Legs: Butt, you so sexy, mwah!

Butt: Cut it out.

Brain: O.k. Here’s the deal. Metabolism, you need to focus on burning some of the existing body fat during the workouts.

Metabolism: But I’m programmed to preserve that! It’s for emergencies only!

Brain: Contrary to popular belief, the famine is NOT coming. She can live without some of it, I promise.

Metabolism: Oh…I don’t know…

Brain: Trust me. It will be fine. And don’t worry, we’re still going to keep the food coming.

Stomach: Hurray! I thought you forgot about me.

Brain: Don’t be silly. We’re not going to starve her, just change it up.

Mouth: Can we have a steak? I can’t stop thinking about it. Steak, potatoes and peas. Oh my. It’s making me crazy.

Brain: I’ll work on that. Send her shopping. Steak on the grill, mashed potatoes, peas, you name it. Whatever you want.

Mouth: Dude, I’ll be your best friend.

Brain: Sweet. Body Fat, it will be o.k. We’re just going to trim her up, get faster and stronger. Winter is over and it’s time to stop being so lazy.

Body Fat: Lazy is what I do best!

Brain: I know. That’s why I’m in charge. O.k., thanks everyone. Great job heading for goal this week. We’ve got 4 hours down and 4 to do. Swim today and then 10k tomorrow!

Legs: Yeehaw!

Brain: Back to work!

Gravity: $0. Moving your bad self: Priceless

Look. There's me, somewhere up there in North America.

Yesterday afternoon I was at a crossroads. I hadn't gotten any exercise in two days, I was losing the light and didn't feel like doing much. After an internal discussion with the voices in my head (just stay home, ride the exercise bike, go for a run, ride the bike outside) I settled on an old friend. I went for a walk. This momentous decision required changing my footwear to sneakers and putting on my coat. It was seriously low impact and allowed me to play with my ipod and choose slow songs I don't generally listen to when I'm kicking my workout. I was at peace.

I had the time to reflect on an article I read recently which discussed whether running burns more calories than a step class. The author reported that running burns more becuase you are moving your body against the force of gravity. This was an epiphany for me. It's like our planet is one giant piece of exercise equipment. No gym fees, it's available 24x7, and doesn't require any special equipment for the exerciser. If you can walk from your house to your car you can burn calories. Sneakers are optional. I've walked in motorcycle boots and other comfortable shoes. The trick is going farther than the car in your driveway. How far should one go? Sure, check with your proverbial doctor but if you can walk for 40 to 60 minutes a day you can burn calories and increase your fitness.

I'm still going to train but it was nice to relax with a walk on a cool Fall day. I stayed in my jeans, didn't get sweaty but still moved forward, stretching my legs. Then I was back home and I let Gravity pull me back down on the sofa for some snacks and football. A very pleasant afternoon, indeed.

Kids: Natural Triathletes. Don't lose it

My fitness goals this summer focused on completing two sprint triathlons, the Wildbear in June, and Pumpkinman in September. I chose those two as bookends to motivate me to get moving in the Spring and maintain the pace throughout the Summer. Otherwise I could see myself slacking and losing focus. My strategy worked and I had a great time racing.

I realized that I haven't been this fit since I was about 8 years old. A lucky kid, I spent my summers swimming until my lips were blue, riding bikes with other kids, and running around playing tag until bedtime. Triathlon breaks down to these three same basics: Swim, Bike and Run. I've noticed that my three kids are falling in to the same pattern and it will be my goal to make sure they don't lose this level of activity as they grow older.

When I hit middle school and then high school it was all about team sports. If triathlon had been an option, I think I would have signed right up. After some fun with gymnastics but never excelling in the sport I found I didn't have much to focus on. This led to a long hiatus in regular exercise.

I am glad I found triathlon. After racing these two sprints my goals for next summer are to complete an Olympic distance tri in June, Mooseman Triathlon and then a half Ironman distance added to Pumpkinman. I'm scared but determined to train for the first ever half Ironman to be held in Maine. A 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and a 13.1 mile run.

My kids sometimes complain about me being away from them to train. When I mentioned that kids can compete too my oldest daughter, almost 8 years old, became very excited. Kids' tris are usually untimed events with much shorter distances. But there is no doubt that the excitement of going the course will reach even the youngest participant. I hope all my kids learn to love triathlon but even if they don't like to compete they can still enjoy the basics. Swim. Bike. Run.

Body Parts 2

Mile 20 of a 40 Mile Bike Ride

Legs: Wahoo! This is awesome. You guys checkin' us out? We are ON today.

Heart: For once...

Brain: Looking good legs, we're taking a break in a minute.

Legs: Yeah, that'll be great. We feel a little wonky. What was up with that breakfast?

Stomach: I dunno. I wasn't feeling so good this morning. All she had was a banana.

Mouth: Yeah, didn't taste so super.

Brain: Don't worry, she packed an energy bar. She'll eat when we stop. Eyes, scan for a good place, something safe, off the road.

Eyes: Roger that.

Legs: Dude! Did y'all check out that hill at mile 16?

Eyes: Yeah! We saw that and went wide.

Mouth: I made a little "O".

Stomach: I got that pit, like when I get scared.

Legs: Totally. We got a bit watery, ourselves. But we rocked it, didn't we? A little assist from the hands on the gearing and we were good to go.

Hands: Thank you very much.

Legs: Hey, are we there yet?

Brain: Pulling in now. Going to manual. Feet, click out and stop.

Feet: Stopping...now.

Legs: Where's the food, dude?

Brain: Relax, she's overheating. Give us a second to get organized.

Arms: She's got the long sleeve shirt off, we're reaching for the little pack...there it is!

Hands: We have the bar!

Mouth: Bring it on!

Stomach: I'm ready for it. I feel great now.

[2 Minutes pass]

Legs: What the heck is going on? Where is it? We're bonking!

Left Hand: I have the bar right here...

Eyes: It says...give us a sec..."Chocolate Peanut Crunch"

Mouth: Oh my God.

Right Hand: For chrissakes, I'm trying to stuff the shirt in the little bag. It won't fit.

Legs: Brain...!

Brain: Alright, initiating override, Right Hand, let go of the shirt...now. Tear the wrapper.

Right Hand: I got it, I got it.

Mouth: Gimme a bite! [chewing] Oh man you guys, this tastes SOOO good, you have no idea.

Legs: Yeah baby! Stomach, get to work!

Stomach: Swallow some of it! Give it to me!

Mouth: Mmmmm. Here you go.

Legs: Ahhhh

Stomach: Mouth, where's the rest?

Mouth: I don't know. She just stopped.

Eyes: I know! She's looking at the label. It says, "calories, 240"

Legs: Brain! Why is she checking out the calories? We need them all! We can't stand it when she pulls that half bar crap. We have to ride the 20 back!

Brain: All set. I just pressed the "cookie button." Inhibitions have been negated. She's going to finish it. See? And Right Hand, pick up that chocolate chip that dropped on the seat. Give it to Mouth.

Mouth: This is so awesome. Two more bites. Can I have a drink?

Brain: Absolutely. Everyone, get ready. Stomach, you good?

Stomach: Workin' away, Brain, strong like bull.

Brain: Righteous. Legs?

Legs: Stomach, you rock. We feel better already. Pedaling!

Brain: Good teamwork, folks, let's ride!

Body Parts

--Mile 4.27 of a 30 mile bike ride--

Heart: Jesus H. Christ. I can't take this anymore! I'm working like a pooch here, Brain, do something!

Brain: Hey, did you see that guy on the tractor?

Heart: Brain!

Brain: Sorry. What's up?

Heart: It's the legs again. I'm pumping and pumping blood and they STILL won't get moving. Again.

Lungs: And for the love of God PLEASE make her stop singing.

Brain: Hold up. Voice!

Voice: "I wanna heal, I wanna feel..." What? You talking to me?

Ears: Yo, we're rockin' the head phones, dude, that sound ain't bothering us.

Lungs: It's the breath, you idiots, we need the air.

Ears: What an ass.

Butt: Don't drag me into this! I'm minding my own business here. Sitting on my seat!

Brain: Be cool, everybody. Voice, be silent for a minute.

Voice: Whatever, man, you're the project manager.

Heart: Brain, if you don't do something quick I'm going to have a total fit. Real palpitations this time. I have to work ALL the time. Everyone gets to slack except me!

Brain: Settle down, I hear you. Legs! Wake up!

Legs: [stretching] Hey there! 'Morning everyone, what's up? We going dancing? There's music playing.

Brain: No, Legs, we're on a bike ride, remember? It's the long one. We talked about this.

Legs: Bike ride...right! That is so dope. She eat breakfast?

Stomach: Yup! Cinnamon raisin bagel, toasted, with peanut butter and cinnamon sugar. I'm almost done with it.

Mouth: It was delicious.

Legs: Sweet. One or two?

Stomach: Just one. And some water.

Mouth: I'm thirsty again. Can I have a drink?

Brain: In a minute.

Legs: That's not going to hold us. Can we burn some of that junk in the trunk?

Butt: Hey!

Legs: Just kidding, little buddy, you look terrific. We love you. All muscle, baby!

Butt: I'm very sensitive! You know this.

Legs: C'mon, dude, it's all good.

Brain: I've got it covered. Metabolism will supply fuel by mile 20. But legs, you need to kick it into high gear. Heart and lungs are tired.

Arms: We're not tired!

Back: Me neither.

Heart: What a bunch of brown nosers.

Colon: I take offense to that.

Nose: Me too.

Brain: That's enough. O.k., everybody, let's work together now. Good. I checked the pleasure center and she feels like a million. O.k. heart?

Heart: Yeah, I'm good.

Brain: Excellent. Voice?

Voice: I'm here.

Brain: Rock on.

Voice: Awesome. "I'm WAN-ted...dead or AH-live..."

Brain: Good work, people, let's ride bikes!

Turning 40 is fun!

 

Having fun is an important part of your fitness plan. I encourage it!

Maintenance: Not an ugly word

When I started losing weight I was frequently asked, "how much are you trying to lose? What's your goal?" I really didn't have a specific number in mind which made it hard to respond. I wanted to lose it all, every little bit of fat that offended me, made my clothes too tight and me uncomfortable in my own skin. What I found out is that, after losing about 25 pounds (hurray for me!) I still have a little softness, a little roundness, in all the right places. I call it "sexy fat." You might say, eeewwww gross! But with the backlash against super skinniness I think I'm right on target.

The other part of the equation was effort. My weight loss, while not effortless, was done in a reasonable fashion. Since I was looking to make the change for life I ate regular food, exercised, and really watched those calories. I held to about 1400 per day. If I felt like having something sweet, I ate it and didn't agonize about it. Maybe I did sometimes but I tried not to obsess about food. This was where working with a nutritionist was really helpful. She was one of my best cheerleaders.

I have been at my "end" weight for about two months now. I know, not a super long time but I still feel successful. I keep a close eye by weighing myself almost every day. I've mentioned that me and Mr. Scale are buds. The number tends to fluctuate 2-4 pounds. For example, it took two weeks to shed the pounds I gained over superbowl weekend. Taquitos, anyone? I also write the number down on the back of a business card that I keep in my underwear drawer. I can quickly scan how I've been doing so I don't fall so far away from where I think I should be.


I still "snack" on different exercises. During the winter, running has fallen by the wayside because I don't have a treadmill. But I replaced it with stationary cycling. I still also have swimming, walking, weightlifting and the delicious hot yoga. Summer triathloning is right around the corner.

It's almost March, and I have a big birthday coming up. I'm glad I reached this level of physical fitness although it's always a work on progress. I'll let you know how it goes and if I'm able to keep moving forward and feeling fabulous.

I lift weights in pajamas

It's true. In a previous post I talked about loathing having to go anyplace to work out. I found out this even applies to my basement, where a user friendly set up was created by my husband in order to work out. The one place I don't mind going in the morning is the bathroom. I put a few dumbbells under the sink and some mornings I actually lift them. There is a big mirror in there, good for watching my form, and the tub, for kneeling on as a bench. So far I'm able to do bicep, tricep and back exercises. I'm averaging about 2-3 times per week which I think is a good start. I'm very easy on myself.

The weight loss has been going pretty well. I've lost 20 pounds so far and I've taken to a "snacking" form of exercise. I try to do some sort of exercise on the prescribed "most days" which means either swimming, walking, weightlifting or yoga or a combination of two. I've stuck with the yoga, because it feels SO good, even when it's difficult. I'm hoping it will help straighten my spine, bent from years of crouching over a keyboard. I try to be an opportunist - grabbing a walk in the afternoon or hitting the weights in the bathroom.

I used to think I needed the right exercise clothes, sneakers, etc. For some exercise, it's essential. But for an exercise snacker like me, slipping on the old shoes with my jammies works just fine. I get it done.

Eating less...what a concept

A good thing has happened to me this Fall. I started working with a nutritionist because pretty much everything I have tried to do to lose weight and eat healthy has failed. I consider Fall to be a time for change for me - time to focus and start something new. The nutritionist, Michelle, introduced me to the new food pyramid, mypyramid.gov, and counseled me on eating well. I'm happy to say I've lost 11 pounds so far and my goal is opened-ended. What I mean by that is that I'm headed for fitness, not just a number of pounds. I'll know when I get there because I will be fit - swimming and training for the sprint distance triathlons next summer. I'm going to stay there by continuing to see Michelle periodically. I told her I can get in a groove: cravings disappear and healthy eating is easy. But I also said I will need her when I start to get into bad habits again. My motivation to do anything is cyclical and my willpower will flag eventually. If I can admit it, I can deal with it.

I am at a crossroads in my life. In my 30's I used my body to make babies. It was hard and exhausting work. I feel as if I can choose to live a sedentary and overweight life or fight back and be fit. I'm choosing fitness but I know I need help with motivation both for proper nutrition and exercise. I'm drawing on all my resources for exercise, to swim and then add biking and running. If I surround myself with folks who value exercise then I find their enthusiasm infects me as well.

This past August I participated in a relay team in the Pine Tree Triathlon here in Maine. I was the swimmer. After not training the entire month of July I was seriously nervous about the 800 meters. I was slow which disappointed me but my teammates were very good sports about it and picked up the slack. We all had fun. I'm really looking forward to tri-ing again and this time doing all the events. Cross training swimming, biking and running is a recipe for fitness. Couple that with good eating and I feel confident I will reach my goals.

This is your brain on power yoga

I tried something new this week and I would classify the experience as one of the most difficult workouts I have ever attempted. My husband took me out on a "yoga date" to the new Portland Power Yoga studio in Portland, Maine.

Yoga is not for me. I've always maintained that. I believed in the mental and physical health benefits but thought it was too slow and boring. Don't forget, when I'm doing something unpleasant my brain is counting the minutes until it is over. To me, that defeats the purpose. Then I tried Power Yoga.

A friend of mine attended the Baron Baptiste yoga studio in Massachusetts and told me she spent most of the time on the floor roasting and being unable to move. You see, that's the secret. They heat the room to one hundred degrees or so and you do yoga in this superheated sauna. Since I'm a cold person wearing fleece in the office in July, I thought I might like it.

Our instructor, Alice, told me not to worry about being a beginner. She said to listen to my body and rest when necessary using the child's pose. That advice turned out to be how I spent most of the 90 minutes of practice. Alice was skilled in explaining how to do the pose in a way that didn't make me twist my neck to look at her every time. She walked the room adjusting and correcting our poses while encouraging us. Meahwhile, it's getting hotter and hotter. I mean New York City in the middle of a heatwave at high noon, without the pollution.

About twenty minutes into the practice, I started to feel sick. We were doing some quick transitions from the floor to standing positions and my sluggish, non-yoga circulatory system could not keep up. Then came the spots in front of my eyes and I thought I was going to hurl, right there on my mat. I got up to leave but Alice stopped me and put me in the child's pose, telling me to rest. There I stayed, the sweat pouring out of me, occasionally making some feeble attempts to participate.

At the end of class I felt dazed and light headed. A cool shower later had me much refreshed. I felt calm, peaceful and tired but not in an exhausted way. I was able to take the time to reflect on what Alice was saying during the class. She spoke about transformation and said it's available to everyone. I really keyed in on that because how often do the voices in our head tell us we can't change or we always have to behave a certain way? She said it cuts across how we look and act, our careers and our relationships. That is a pretty strong claim. I felt good enough afterwards to try again so we'll see where the power yoga journey takes us. Namaste.

The Scale Is Not My Enemy

Unlike a lot of people, I don't hate my bathroom scale. I have pet name for it, he's called Mr. Scale. Sometimes Mr. Scale has good news for me, by providing a "good" number but lately all the news has been unfit to print. I don't blame the scale because I see it as a neutral party in my quest for fitness, perhaps even rooting for me a little bit. "She needs a boost, I'll lighten up for her today," I imagine my scale thinking. But I really know it's just me, the food I eat and the exercise I don't get enough of.

I am really in the mood for excuses. I can be pretty hard core with myself but I want to be indulgent just this once. I'll list them:

• My dog hurt her knee so I stopped walking her (she's better now)
• My kids won't go to bed at night
• I get PMS and eat like crazed maniac
• Lunchtime meetings have crept in at work and I've missed my swims
• After one day calorie counting became boring so I stopped

Those are about the lamest excuses I could come up with! And I was really trying. But I read something recently that struck me so odd I'm working on a way to apply it to fitness. It was a quote from a success inspiration book that read, "to be successful, do something unpleasant every day." The premise is that performing a daily unpleasantness leads to self discipline, the very thing I seem to lack.

What an amazing idea! So much I read has to do with making diet and exercise comfortable for the afflicted. I realize now I've been guilty of the same thing. I've been focusing on making diet and exercise so enjoyable for myself I haven't made much progress.

The funny part of this idea is that it actually works. I think to myself, "I really don't want to clean these piles on my desk, or fold these clothes, or do these dishes, but it's unpleasant, so I will." And, to my utter amazement, I do! And then I laugh because it seems so ridiculous.

My next task will be to say, "I really don't want to avoid this cookie, or doughnut, or potato chip, but I will, because doing so will result in a less than satisfied feeling in my belly, and that is unpleasant." I have to link a book here today, written by Stephen Gullo. I read it a long time ago and I think this follows his basic message - to stop being so self indulgent and take responsibility for eating less.

Full Circle

About a million years ago my "Sundae-a-day" habit caught up with me and I asked my mom the best way to lose weight. She talked to me about counting calories and carbohydrates. Since you could have way more calories than carbs I chose to count calories. My teenage self figured out fairly quickly that skipping meals was a great way to lose weight. In fact, no eating at all was helpful too. But after a few fights with mom I realized that wasn't sustainable and the yo-yo dieting began.

In the '80's I counted fat grams while eating enormous platefuls of pasta in college. I honestly wondered why I never lost any weight even though I exercised. In the '90's I did a Fat Flush for a grueling week and lost 7 pounds. I'll take a pass next time. With Atkins I ate several pounds of bacon and for some bizarre reason - didn't shed an ounce! Imagine that. Nothing seemed to work over the long term.

So what to do? After spending two decades trying to convince myself I could eat as much as I want, as long as I avoid certain foods, I realize that it's the intake that derails my efforts. I came across a website called Calorie-Count.com which, after obtaining way more information than I wanted to provide, allows me to use their food log and tracking service for free. It has really neat tools, for example, many foods (especially brand name ones) are already in their database. Just search and click to add. If it's not there a handy form allows you to enter the food yourself. It tallys for the day and keeps track of your progress - "only 10 more pounds to go!" Even includes a graph.

It's not very flashy but seems to work well. Knowing I'm going to enter everything that I eat is a motivator. I like to see the progress I'm making and get that bit of feedback. It's on the honor system, guys, so no cheating! I'll report back whether it helps me stay on track. Counting calories. How basic is that?

Sign says all you can eat - not eat all day!

I had the best meal I've eaten in a LONG time the other night. It was date night, and dinner at a fancy restaurant was on the agenda. Hearkening back to an earlier time in my life I made sure not to eat anything that afternoon because I didn't want to "spoil my dinner." It worked. I wasn't ravenous, because I'd eaten well at lunch but I was hungry. At this restaurant the food portions are not overly huge (like some places) so I left full but not overstuffed. How I felt afterwards had me thinking about food and what I happen to be doing with it lately (forever).

Some days are like the all-u-can-eat buffet. No matter what I've just eaten, I'm bored, so I hit the fridge, cupboard, vending machine for the next snack. I realize what's happening: I'm eating my stress, or boredom but I can't seem to break the cycle. Some days are like yesterday. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner being busy in between without the call of the sugary or salty snack. I even swam 1000 meters at the pool. Why can't all days be like that? I wish I knew.

I'm calling myself out because food is part of the fitness equation. I remember reading an article once about a woman in her forties. In the photo she was beautiful, tanned and fit looking. But she said something that chilled me, "I've been hungry for twenty years." The article detailed her depression with constantly battling cravings and dieting. That's just grim. I've had times in my life where I've been at a good place fitness-wise and I'd like to get there again. I don't know if I'll ever be rid of my inner eating machine but I'm going to try to make better choices with it. Better to crunch through a bag of carrot sticks than potato chips. We'll see how it goes.

Dogs: A walker's best friend

Believe me, this dog is no couch potato.

Ever try to exercise with a friend? You arrange to meet at 6am for that walk, run, swim, step class. It works great until one of you gets bored (me) and blows off the other. "My kid is sick." "My husband has an early meeting." In comes Chloe.

I got Chloe in a fit of maternal instinct (I was pregnant at the time) about six years ago. I vowed I would walk her *every* day. That went fairly well for a few years but a couple of winters ago we both got cold feet. Her tootsies got sore walking on salt encrusted ice in our neighborhood. I almost had a fit when I saw her holding that hind leg up - not the knee again! But she was just cold. Subsequently we quickly got out of the habit of walking at all. I've been feeling pretty badly about that lately and decided to do something about it. Due to the recent thaw and rain the street is pretty clean. Over the weekend we managed to take two walks. Yes two! (applause). We both enjoyed it.

Chloe is so forgiving. She doesn't make me feel terrible about all the walks we missed. She might not even remember them at all! And she's smart. The morning I took her out the first time she got right up when I did, ears perked, and looked at me. "Are we really going?" She seemed to ask. There's no negotiating with a dog. She doesn't say, "it's raining, let's wait until tomorrow." In fact, I know that rain enhances the smell of smelly stuff. She likes that. Chloe is always up and ready to go. She can take a nap later. Chloe is a motivator because she's always enthusiastic, waiting by the door, ready before I am.

I'm including Chloe in my little fitness quest. I read an article that says to exercise on "most days." How often is that? That's just excuses in the making, my brain trying to do that counting thing. I'm going to ignore that and try to take my dog out more often. It benefits us both.

Breaking the ice

I haven't been on skates in about ten years or so. But I was an o.k. skater so I wasn't too worried when my oldest daughter began to hound me for ice skates. It was the kind of hounding that, if she didn't get skates for her birthday, it was going to be a very bad day. She's six.
She ended up getting the skates and a pair for her sister too, thank you Play it Again Sports. There are some terrific places to skate in Maine and we chose Falmouth Family Ice on the recommendation of a coworker. The first time we went, it was just me and the girls. I felt nervous! Would I fall and be embarrassed? Hurt myself? What if they hated it? I was wrong on almost everything.
We struggled along the wall at first, the girls falling and falling but never getting discouraged. Amazingly enough, my oldest started to get it! The ice skating coworker suggested having them stomp their feet to get used to the skates and the ice. I have to report - it worked! Getting through that first day was thrilling.
We went again yesterday, this time with the husband and three year old. That was challenging, taking the boy around. An observant spectator commented as I went past, "how does your back feel about now?" I was in agony. We took a break shortly thereafter.
My husband, hero that he is, convinced me to skate with him without the kids. I was able to keep my eye on them in the stands as we went around the rink. I was doing it! Silly as it sounds I felt a teenager again, doing the couples skate at the local rink. Very cool.
The highlight of the afternoon was heading outside with my oldest daughter to the pond for a few more minutes. She wasn't done yet! At six, second time on skates, she's skating independantly and confidently. We went around, smiling and laughing. It couldn't have been a better day.

Winter Feels Good!

Did you check out all the snow we got this weekend? It's awesome. The photo there shows a couple of terrific looking snowmen someone built in Central Park of NYC. Pretty cool! So I was poking around in the news and I read an article about schools that are buying snowshoes for kids. This is a great idea that led me to think about winter sports in general. I learned how to ski a while back and was a determined blue trail skiier. I wasn't concerned with being fast, or especially skilled. I most enjoyed being outside during the most inclement season in New England, winter.

What else could we do that would enable us to be outdoors for 6 to 8 hours at a stretch? We even packed sandwiches to stuff in our pockets in order to eat lunch slopeside. Barring bathroom breaks they were full fresh air days. So why don't I ski anymore? Life intervened and it's not feasible to get three kids on the mountain these days. Anyone check out the price of lift tickets? Yikes.

My next goal is to scale back my expectations and enjoy the snow with the kids. There are snowmen to build, and angels to make. Instead of watching from the window I'll recycle my ski pants into snowpants and start doing what they do. We'll keep trying new things like ice skating and maybe snowshoeing. And I'll keep checking out websites like Winter Feels Good to get ideas and inspiration. Snowball fight anyone?

Yes, I can fly like Superman. In the water, that is

That's not my picture, but I hope I look as snazzy as that lovely lady in the far, far distant future. Anyway, a fun thing happened to me while swimming today. I was swimming along and my brain started to think superhero thoughts as I went back and forth. I'd stop and rest a few seconds on the edge of the pool with my feet on the wall and think, "I'm Spiderman. I'm hanging out on the side of a building like Spiderman." Or, while skimming the surface of the (very deep) end I'd think, "I'm Superman, flying high in the sky." You might be wondering what I was smoking, but those thoughts led me to certain questions about exercise.

Usually when I'm exercising my mind is in SERIOUS countdown mode - "O.k. Annette, only 10 more reps, laps, minutes, lifts, etc." I have to pep talk myself almost the entire time. That's really boring. I thought about my kids and how they move, which is almost constantly. They need to be commanded to stop: don't run, come inside, stop playing, stop climbing, get out of the water. Their natural impulse is to move their bodies and somehow we lose that. Is it TV? Junk food? Team sports? Parents? I've talked about how serious adults can be while exercising. We have to distract ourselves with TV's mounted over the treadmill or get another adult to goad us into doing it. Personal training is big business because money is a great (but temporary) motivator: If I pay you to make me exercise I will do it. Because I don't know you it's o.k for me to loathe every minute of it.

In trying to figure out how to remain motivated I think I found something out: if the activity is fun, physically pleasurable and offers some other benefit (like letting my imagination run away) then maybe I'll continue to do it. Today, after 600 meters, the little voices told me to get out of the pool, I had done enough. But instead of needing the internal cheerleading squad to keep me going I just went back to Spidey and Superman, and easily swam the last 200. It was a good day.