Your Attention, Please

I haven't been here in a while. But the idea for this post has been bouncing around in my head for a few days and the early morning stars have aligned for me to get it down. Here goes.

I've been thinking a lot about my exercise lately, or rather my lack of it. After the half ironman last September the foundation of my routine began to crumble. Even when I was training my diet slipped into disrepair, something I discussed over the summer. I took time off when the race was over and never established an overwinter training plan. I stopped blogging. School started and my job changed. I lost focus. I woke up one day and was fat. Aw Jeez.

I asked myself, "how did I get here, again?" When my clothes didn't fit I tried on the old excuses, "I have no time," "the kids make me busy," "I'm working too much." The last item might have some merit but time is constant and the kids sleep 13 hours a day. So what happened?

A friend told me she is using "The Biggest Loser" cookbook to make healthy foods for herself and her boyfriend. That got me thinking about how that program works. An overweight person goes on television. With the support of coaches, nutritionists, doctors and millions of viewers they attempt as a team to lose weight and beat the other team in a weight loss race. Brilliant. Such an environment would allow me to meet my weight loss goals in about 3 weeks. Why? It would hold 100% of my attention on my goals to lose weight and be fit.

Training for the half iron held my attention last year. I was so worried about it I made sure I met my training goals. I read my daily plan, made sure I had all my workout stuff, and ran, swam, and biked to my heart's content. I've lost weight before. We use terms like "willpower" to put a label on one's ability to stay on a diet. When you slip, or don't work out, you can feel like a failure and think you don't have willpower. I disagree. The diet or activity chosen may be too difficult to hold your attention. Other things in your life may be so profound they draw your attention away. Right now I'm involved in two huge projects at work. I travel up and down the east coast to work on them. They are SO exciting and fun. The work is difficult and I haven't used my brain like this in years. They make me tired. So tired I must wring out enough energy to enjoy my family, and spend time with my husband and kids.

"Make time for yourself." We hear that a lot. It's a nice idea. "Make exercise as simple as brushing your teeth." That's where I'm heading. Instead of making my training require 40% of my attention I have to dial it down...keep it low level, easy, a no-brainer. I need my mental energy and focus for my family and work. I wish it wasn't like that but I accept it.

So what's the plan, Stanley? I'm going back to my exercise "snacking." The weights are back under the sink in the upstairs bathroom. A pair of sneakers are in the desk at work for quick lunchtime walks. I make sure to pack my swim and exercise stuff when I travel and ALWAYS get a workout in at the hotel. I'm composing a mail in my head to my bike buddy - I trade home cooking for maintenance. A freshly tuned pair of bikes for riding is good incentive to get outside. I'm trying to draw my attention back to getting the workouts in and setting some boundaries for my work.

As for my diet I'm working to make better choices. The airport Starbucks sells cups of gorgeous fruit salad. At 140 calories it made me feel good and was delicious. There is much fattening fare on the road but only if you pick it. I'm so overfed lately the rich food doesn't taste good. Portions are typically huge but I'm looking hard at the plate and deciding what I'm hungry for. I leave the rest. I say, "no french fries, please."

I'm writing today because Spring is here. Well, not here in Maine but calendar here. I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I will be racing this summer and need to move it, move it. My clothes don't fit and that has my attention, bigtime.

Yours in training,
Annette

Annette is half Pumpkinman 6:50:36

On August 11th I wrote a post which detailed the need to get my head on straight prior to the half iron. I'm not sure exactly what was going on at the time but I'm thinking I peaked mentally in the beginning of August, right around the time of the Beach to Beacon 10k. Unfortunately it was all downhill afterwards. Instead of using my vacation to recharge my mental batteries I faced a series of challenges in my family's health that caused me to use every ounce of energy I had during the second half of August. By Saturday the 6th, around noontime, I looked at my husband and said, "I don't think I have anything left." He promised me I would be able to finish although I wasn't sure I believed him. I had a serious bout of race anxiety, the kind where you feel like you're walking underwater. I wasn't sure I had everything I needed packed in the car. My bike needed a tune up, air in the tires and was dirty. It was pretty much a hell day.

I drove to Portsmouth, NH to meet my friend Tarra who was my cheerleader, spectator and support system for the race. She followed my progress as I trained and I was so happy she was going to be there. I told her that if we hadn't had these plans, I might not have showed up! After hearing my story she agreed I was probably the least mentally prepared athlete but she thought I would finish.

It poured all night and I dreaded racing a full day in the rain. On race morning we drove to the venue and I got my tires pumped up and my transition area set. I managed to drink half a protein drink and eat a bar. The weather looked like it was clearing around 6:30am. I put my wetsuit on and Tarra and I headed down to the water. We had a brief race meeting and I began to feel happy on the beach, smiling and bouncing on my toes. Tarra took pictures of me. It was a small race, only 173 participants, and I was in Wave 3. Wave 1 was Elite, 2 was the men, and 3 the women and relay team swimmers. "Go Go Go!" We were off.

People, I tell you, I was terrified. Not of the water, I love the swim. I was so scared of the race starting and the long haul I had in front of me. My Xterra wetsuit saved me. I love that thing. Thick and thin in all the right places and slick in the water. I stroked and stroked and zig zagged my way through the first loop. I started to feel fine in the second loop of the swim knowing that I was making progress. I finished the swim in about 49 minutes and ran up the hill to transition 1.

Then my wetsuit and I had a fight. It didn't want to come off. 7 incredibly long minutes later I was finally heading out on the bike. But first, a quick potty break. Some folks manage to (ahem) pee themselves while biking and running but I haven't mastered that skill. And my wetsuit hermetically seals itself to my wrist and ankles preventing any water from washing through so peeing in the suit is also not an option. So it goes.

In hindsight the bike is a source of massive frustration for me. I know I'm slow but this is ridiculous. I managed about 15 miles an hour on the bike. I knew I couldn't get any speed going. My legs, heart and lungs seemed to be working o.k. but I didn't have that strong feeling in my legs. I was grateful that there were no killer hills but 56 miles was a long ride. After about 25 miles I was also in extreme pain. My seat was killing me. I counted down the miles, one by one watching my (somewhat) broken odometer. The rules say no mp3 players allowed so it was pretty quiet on my ride. I prayed, "dear Jesus, please let me finish the race and not be a DNF," and thought up bumper stickers, "Mental fortitude or crazy? You decide, I TRI." Nah, too long. I choked up a little when I pulled in to transition 2. "I'm doing it! One more event!"

I set out on the run and made another quick pitstop. I felt low at the beginning of the run, "It's so hard, this is so long," but I didn't feel like I had any choice. Stopping then was not an option. I did a mental scan of my body and a little twinge in my left ankle was all it showed. It worried me a little but worked itself out quickly. My butt was so happy to be off the bike and out of pain. "I feel o.k., I can keep going." I negotiated with myself that I would walk in aid stations. That was the only concession to rest that I was going to give myself. Luckily the route was set up so we passed back and forth in front of the well stocked stations and the volunteers were always ready with water and gatorade. About midway through the run I started to get irritated. It was taking too long and it was too hard. Irritation gave way to anger because I still wasn't going to stop but I REALLY wanted the race to be over. I made the second turnaround at mile 9.3 and totally bummed. At my 10 minute mile pace that meant I was running for at least another 40 minutes. I shuffled on. Finally a cheery volunteer announced "Only half a mile left! You're almost there!" It was the best news I'd heard all day. I went in the direction she indicated and after a minute faced a signficantly steep hill. "Are you $%@^%*& kidding me!!" I said this out loud, wasting my breath. I ran up some of it and then stopped to walk. In another 30 seconds I saw the field and realized I was right there. The finish was right over the top. "I don't want them to see me walking." I started running again and there was a woman waving an orange flag, "You're there! Go right down the hill to the finish!" I couldn't believe it and I started to cry. I had to tell myself to stop because I needed the breath to finish. Then I saw my time was less than 7 hours and I really broke down. Tarra hugged me and my bottles of water and gatorade and then I went for a swim.

After putting on fresh clothes and having a hot meal of turkey with all the trimmings I felt very cheery. Happy even. I'm still in disbelief that I finished and I wasn't as slow as I expected. I wish I could have come into the race with a stronger mental outlook but certain events were out of my control. The happy news is that my family's health outlook has improved. Fewer worries there. The jury is still out on whether I will race another half iron next year. My feeling is that the international distance like Mooseman is a ton of fun and just the right distance for each event. Just when I'm getting bored it's time to switch it up. The half ironman was a signficant goal for me and I'm glad I cleared it. Now it's time for the Maine Half Marathon and then overwinter training begins.

Thanks for listening and happy training!
Annette

Reaching the end

Just like Santa I'm making a list and checking it twice as I prepare for the Pumpkinman Triathlon Half Iron. To say I feel pretty nervous would be an understatement. Today I logged my last brick - a 30 minute bike ride and a 1 mile run. The workout felt really good and while I know I'm more fit than I was, I still feel unsure of myself. But the time has run out and I can only hope that the training was enough to see me through.

My goal is to cross the finish line somewhere between 7 and 7 1/2 hours. Not fast. I think it's going to be a race with a small field, especially in my age group (40-44). Any time shorter than that will be a welcome surprise.

I've had some great support - thanks to you all! I won't be alone on race day with one of my BFs Tarra there to cheer me on. I told her, "bring something to read." I also need to remember to bring her a chair. It will be a long day for spectators!

I will be sure to blog about my experience sometime next week, when I can lift my weary hands to the keyboard - ha ha! Until then, happy training!

Cheers,
Annette

Your Fitness - a fickle BF

One of my nicknames for myself is "Mrs. Bright Side." I try to focus on the positive and be optimistic. I use this blog to try and motivate myself and hopefully others. It really helps me keep moving! Recently I've been thinking about fitness as a state of body and mind. For me, fitness has moved in and out of my life. I look at my children and right now their fitness is as tight to them as their own shadows. Lean and strong they go hand over hand on the monkey bars. They seem to run and play all day without tiring. As a kid I was like that too and I've talked about the change in me as a teenager. I was more concerned with (ahem) other activities than keeping fit.

My fitness is like a fair weather best friend. When I'm working out consistently she sticks by my side. But once I get lazy my fitness is off to the Bahamas, ready to hang out with someone who plays beach volleyball. She's not going to sit around with me, eating potato chips and watching TV. Depending on where you left off and your genetic prowess your fitness may stay with you longer rather than taking off right away. I don't seem to have that luxury. A recent few days off had me feeling slow on the run and ready to give up. Fortunately the upcoming race motivated me to keep going. I could have easily gotten discouraged enough to slide into an exercise funk.

The good news is that with some effort fitness always comes back. I know that I'm building a strong base so I don't go back to square one after a lazy period. It's hard to face but I learned that as I get older I'm going to have to work harder to keep my fitness. She doesn't age like I do and she's very unsympathetic to my excuses, no matter how creative.

For the whippersnappers out there - don't let your fitness go! Follow every exercise trend or stick with what you love. Just don't stop. Ever. Or your fitness and mine will be hanging out together somewhere in the sun and talking about the lazybones they left on the sofa.

Yours in training,
Annette

4 Weeks Until Showtime

Barring some massive injury, I will be on the beach on September 7th, 2008 for my first (and maybe only) half ironman triathlon. Today I'm feeling psyched for it but over the last two weeks I have been so down about my training I wanted to give up. I know I won't. It hasn't been anxiety, at least that is a good thing. I was able to point to a few things that might be causing this crisis of confidence:

1. PMS - you are so lame, my monthly friend.
2. The Beach to Beacon 10k - a great race but it sucked the life out of me for a week.
3. Burnout - I signed up for the half iron on Halloween day in 2007. I've been focused on this race for the last nine months. I'm getting tired, mentally.

I finally got back in the pool today, inspired by the swimming events at the Summer Olympics. The water made me feel so good. I also have some great workouts coming up. For example another huge stack of bricks this sunday which will total 38 miles on the bike and 7 run. Next week I'm on vacation and I start to taper. I'll do a final big bike and run on the 24th.

I promised myself I'd use this post to banish the negative thoughts and start the personal pep talks I'm so fond of. Lately I've been cursing myself (and I do hold the title of "Cousin with the Filthiest Mouth") so my inner language has been quite colorful.

I'm going to use my vacation time to try to quiet the voices in my head and accept where I am mentally and physically. I can do a post mortem on my training regimen in September after the race. I already know where I've fallen short and will make changes in the future.

In the meantime send a positive vibe my way. I'll need every ounce of energy I can get!

Best,
Annette

Vineyard 30+ Mile Bike Route

Here's a new thing I'm trying. I used Map My Run to map out my Vineyard Bike Route. I should have used Map My Ride but it's the same effect. They say I can put the map on my blog. Let's try it:

NOPE! Didn't work. Sorry...

Did it work? I'll publish and find out.

Beach 2 Beacon 2008

Tomorrow is the Beach to Beacon race day. I've never run it before! Isn't that a lovely logo? I'm excited to see how it goes. I know it's going to be a challenging race. The course is beautiful, winding through Cape Elizabeth here in Maine. I've ridden the route as part of my long bikes to work. Before the harvest I found that Cape Elizabeth smells like the ocean, cut grass, and strawberries. Very pleasant indeed. We'll see what we get tomorrow as the horde of 5500 runners storms the course.

How am I feeling? Strange today. It's August and the half ironman is 37 days away. In a previous post I talked about the anxiety I get at the beginning of a race. I forgot to mention that I did *not* feel that way for Mooseman. It could be that I was mentally prepared for the distances but I'm not really sure. I have a few more big workouts to do this month. There's a stack of bricks to do on the 17th (bike 60 min, run 30 min, bike 60 min, run 30 min, bike 30 min, run 15 min) and then a long bike (30 miles) with a 5k following it on the 24th. Other than that it's all recovery and maintenance workouts until the final taper.

I'm going to stick to the plan and follow through with the workouts. Once the half is over there's one more race, the Peak Performance Maine Marathon in October. I won't be running the whole thing, just the half marathon at 13.1 miles. After that it's rest, overwinter workouts and tattoo time.